:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
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come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
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i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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