Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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