hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
