Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
