just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
