whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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