I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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