If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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