That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
