Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
