I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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