This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
