Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
false alarm, still single
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
