dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We need to get me chipped asap
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
