Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
