What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
