he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
