He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
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I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
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TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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