new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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