Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
