She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize