shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
