I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
