I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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