I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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