You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
