i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
my poor anus
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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