You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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