apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
