that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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