If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize