I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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