Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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