Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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