i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
