it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
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Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
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Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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