What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
