I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
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He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
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I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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