You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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