Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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