Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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