Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
