i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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