Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
