No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i think i just lost a toe
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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