I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
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I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
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Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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