Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
