marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
