When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
