You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
