Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You are the jesus of drinking
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
