drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
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Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
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Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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