this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
