So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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