My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
