atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
