i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
