One girl and one boy is just not enough.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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