Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
